† last pages †

if you want to know how someone is like, and if that someone had a notebook he writes on, why don't you try looking at the back pages of his notebook? for sure you will find a fragment of himself.

i have learned since my elementary days, that the notebooks' backpages are like the backdoor to most of my classmates' souls. it's where they unconsciously write their hidden desires, thoughts or even anything that doesn't need to be pondered upon. they write on it without inhibitions, as if their hands are in control of their brain. i have always been more fascinated with reading the last pages first before the real content of any notebook. it's like, fishing in an open sea, you think you do but you have no idea on what you'll get.

i usually hunt these back pages when i'm in a stalker mode. like when i'm into someone and i want to know stuffs, impersonal or personal ones. or if there's a notebook and the owner is nowhere in sight... i might as well look around.

i have seen many stuffs written on these clandestine pages, 90% of them trash. the predictable ones are unsent letters (perhaps just to lighten their heavy chest), caricatures of teachers and classmates, anime drawings, random words (cue words for homeworks left undone), curses such as "pak yu ka ma'am!", "amoy sibuyas seatmate ko" or "i wanna go home", doodles and chicken scratches (to see if their pen is still has ink), "lyrics" and (the most frequent) a "name"; written in all caps, in bold, and adorned with decorations or written in different font styles.

through this process of exploration, you'll get to know bits of information. useless ones i'm telling you. unless it intrigues you enough to seek other notes from the same source. you'll get to discover whom your weird classmate is crushing on, your classmates' most-hated teacher, your classmates' hidden obssessive compulsiveness.

i have two pages in my notebook with my name written on it a thousand times; my seatmate - Chot, asked me if i take illegal drugs. 'til now i still write my name on it just to see how ugly my hand-writing is.

just don't seek things you don't really want to know, sometimes it's better to know nothing. though i don't agree that what you don't know won't hurt you, i believe that what you know could hurt you more.