† breakdown †

hay... na e-LSS na ako sa breakdown ni mariah, sayang nga di ko pa kabisado ung rap part ng bone thugs e, feeling ko nga naiintindihan ko na rin yung emotional breakdown nya e. hihi.. c lola mariah talaga. tumatanda na kasi e, saka nalugi ung glitter dba? i'm not actually a fan, but i do respect her voice, (not her?) hehe.. basta ayun... saka okay naman kasi siya e, wag lang sya magmama-asim gaya ni madam awring. saka lam mo yung "crybaby"? di ko nga alam kung may video un o wala e, sabi ng mga barkada ko meron daw. i really like that song. ala lng. haay... cge kanta muna ako. habang wala pa akong maisip na matino para i-post e lyrics site muna 'tong blog ko. hihi. Ü

break break down still it breakin' me on down...

you called yesterday to basically say

that you care for me but that you're just not in love

immediately i pretended to be feeling similarily

and led you to believe i was o.k

to just walk away from the one thing

that's unyielding and sacred to me

well i guess i'm trying not to be nonchalant about it

and i'm going to extremes to prove i'm fine without you

but in reality i'm slowly losing my mind

underneath the guise of smile gradually i'm dying inside

friends ask me how i feel and i lie convincingly

cuz i don't want to reveal the fact that i'm suffering

so i wear my disguise 'til i go home at night

and i turn down all the lights and then i break down and cry

so what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to

suddenly just stops loving you?

and it seems they haven't got a clue

of the pain that rejection is putting you through

do you cling to your pride

and sing "i will survive"

do you lash out and say

"how dare you leave this way?"

do you hold on in vain

as they just slip away?

† coincidence? †

hmn...
so many things have happened for a short span of time...
well, i don't know if its just coincidence, or maybe things really are falling in the right places for me, coz when my eX shut his door for me, someone opened the window, and it's a garden outside. lolz

i can't say i'm completely happy. miss ko pa rin c *labidabs. pero kumbaga sa sugat, wound scab na lang meron sakin. nyahahaha! thanks to my medic.

well, i met someone just recently, he's a nice guy, we're friends, and i'm not looking forward for us being more than that for now. saka, ala lng, basta. he's too ideal, sabi nga ni Pug sa "everything's eventual" ni stephen king, this is "eventual".

he's a rich kid. and he looks pretty fine, and he's really nice. we met sa mall, but friends na kami sa ym for a while. ayun. na share ko lang. basta... he's like an angel u know? i just hope he won't turn out as nasty sa lucifer. >=) bwahahaha

anyways... he called me kanina. isipin mo un.. may nagsasayang ng load nya for me. ala kasi me landlyn e. lolz. e aun, na text ko sya knina first thing in the morning, kasi tatlo lang naman ang cell# na ako ung nag input sa haushold cp, c jelz, c eX, saka c mr. naughtynicey.

ayun, tinext ko sya dba? den he replied if pede nya ako tawagan, then i said sure. tapos he called me up na agad. e kakagising ko lng, (1pm na po ako nagigicng tuwing bakasyon) kaya bedroom voice pa ako, parang malat na ganun. kakahiya tuloy. lolz.

so ayun.. we talked about things... small stuffs lng naman. kumustahan ganun, the usual "anu gawa mo?", "nung oras ka nagising?", and other silly stuffs na pang sayang lang ng load. feeling ko naman kasi wala lng talaga syang magawa or makausap in that sense. e since natutuwa sya sakin, (sabi nya ha?) kaya ako cguro tinawagan nya. saka balak nya cguro me gwaing payaso. lolz... tapos... tapos...

wala nang eggnog. tulog na tau! hehehe! ^__^

ewan ko ha.. pero here's the catch.. ito ung cnasabi kong coincidence... this song was being played sa background nya.. sa winamp cguro ng pc nya. notice the lyrics? para kasing ala lng. swak na swak.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tell Me Where It Hurts - M.Y.M.P. (Make Your Mader Paker)

Why is that sad look in your eyes?
Why are you crying?
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me, why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby!
Is it your heart?
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
Makin' you feel blue
Is there anything that I can do?

[CHORUS:]
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts, now tell me
And I'll love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay,
I'll love all of the hurt away
Where are all those tears coming from?
Why are they falling?
Somebody, somebody,
somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
Give me a chance
To put back all the pieces
Take hold of your heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

nga pala.. we're playing ragnarok together. hihi.. he's an archer... and pag nag-second job na sya.. papakasal na kami. lam mo kasi dream ko un e, to get married, kasi lam ko dpaat ikakasal na ako e, i have planned it very well in my brain, kaso biglang ayaw na raw sakin nung bride/groom ko, *poof* "di na kita mahal e, sorry.." *poof*

saka anu, nga ba un... special thanks nga pala sa kanya, at sa globe G-cash. kasi bibigyan nya raw me load sa ragna through it. Galing talaga ng globe. commercial tag-line? Ü

haay... enuff said! pero basta... the thought of him makes me happy. kaso lang naisip ko... lahat naman ganyan sa cmula eh dba? dba darenot2fall? ^__^

† the happy trail †

well... memories talaga.. they just show up at places u don't expect them to show up like ghosts. anyways, i was on my way to jelz place, where i'm actually am right now, when at Pritil market, the most beautiful and aromatic market i ever saw, (sarcastically) i took a glance on the other street. i was staring at it blankly, and when i asked myself why, maybe it's because i used to call that other side of the road "my happy trail".

it's the way that leads to my ex's house. well, our used to be "lovenest" as dino (my bestfriend) fetishly wants it to be called. haay... ala lng. seeing that road used to make me really excited as a kid who first saw a candy coated super-colorful lollipop, or a kid who first saw his father fuckin up their manicurist is a better way to put it. but all of those feelings were just unfamiliar to me now.

haay... [boysen acritext]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

habambuhay ako sayo'y maghihintay

umaraw man o umulan, di sasablay

pintado sa aking puso...

pag-ibig na tunay...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

how about this? [surf]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

ma-luma man ang sabon

maong man ay may gasgas

ng dahil kay nanay

sa husay niyang magsampay

buhay ko'y nagkaroon ng

ku!...

salamat sa'yo nanay!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

ano kaya ang missing word? lolz.

haay.. i'm really feeling weird. hehehe. but at least i can laugh now. kasi may crush ako e. wak ka maingay ha? lolz. ^__^

bigyan ko kau piso pag nahulaan nyo missing word.

† letting go †

ayun.. ang drama ba ng title. hay, mejo nahihilo me ngaun, c jelz kasi pina-shot ako ng gsm. basta.. ayun.. wala na kami. oks bang intro yan?

basta.. ayoko na magbigay ng details. i didn't know i would be saying this but maybe we're just not meant to be together, maybe just now, maybe for good...

i don't know exactly how i'm feeling ryt now. i went to his place, asked questions for answers that i thought i wanted to know. i was hurt shempre, who wouldn't be?

haay.. i wish letting go is as easy as playing ragnarok. since i have nothing to do this vacation, maybe i will be playing my account addictively. because i'm depressed? di naman. half of the credit belongs to it, but not wholely, <- may word bang "wholely"?

for now i won't be seeing anyone unlike what i've planned. i just can't let go of the things that have become "mine" so easily. i wish i could be like him, he has moved on even before a week has passed since we've parted. i can tell he doesn't love me anymore. kaya nga nakapag move on e! kulet ko ba? basta, i keep playin it on my mind, the way he said he doesn't love me anymore, for a chance that it will wake me up that things were just not the same between us.

haay... our "daughter" told me that letting go is a natural process. it is eventual, and may diagram pa nga daw iyon. it's like a sloping hill na dinadaanan ng mga tao/lovers/friends, at darating ang part na hindi na magiging sabay ang frequency ng paglakad nila, may mauuna at maiiwan. swerte ng mauuna, malas ng maiiwan.

*sigh*

sana ma miss nya ako...

sana pag nate-tempt sya magyosi maalala nya ko.
sana pag napadaan sya sa tokyo-tokyo maicp nya ako.
sana wala syang ibang dalhin sa fort santiago.
sana walang ibang hahawak sa lower chin nya.
sana wala na siyang makilala na nagne nail-bite ng sin-lala ko.
sana wala nang may ibang alam ng "groggy".
sana hindi nya ipahiram lahat ng binigay ko sa kanya.
sana pakinggan niya pa rin ung cd na bigay ko.
sana maintindihan nya ako kung di ko na siya makakausap ng matino.
sana wala nang magsabi sakin ng "hindi na kita mahal ok?" "hindi na!"
sana MAS walang magsabi sa kanya nun.
sana makalimot na ako, and friends na kami ulet.
sana wag niya akong makalimutan.
sana alam niya na i never thought about his weight or the oil in his face.
sana wag niya makalimutan ung pagsampal ko sa kanya madalas.
sana wag na niya makita ung ryt one na hinahanap nya.
sana maintindihan niya why i'm selfish.


lam n'yo 'to?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
if i should love again
if i find someone new
it would be make believe
for in my heart it would be you
and though i hold him close
and want him now and then
i'd still be loving you
if i should love again
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

ay grabe! i'm so emo today! hahaha! ^__^