† i'm 18 †

birthday ko ngayon. so what? wala lang. masaya pero hindi nagagalak. happy pero hindi glad. ehehehe.. di ko nga alam kung bakit e.. ano plano ko? shempre i will share it with the ones i love. pagkagising ko excited na akong tumingin sa salamin. wow! wala akong muta!! cguro nga ito ang sign na 18 na talaga ako.. sheez! kaya ayun.. nagmamadali akong naligo to fix myself for a new day.

grabe. late ako sa economics. ako pa naman ang magpapa quiz. ta's si sir dimalanta di dumating sa developmental reading. paker talaga!! nasayang lang ang oras ko. pero di ako magagalit. birthday ko kasi. actually nagtaka nga mama ko kasi di ako nagalit nung 500php lng binigay nya sakin na panlakwatsa for the day. i dont need much naman talaga. saka love ko mama ko. and i know malaki rin naman nagastos nila nung fiesta. ayun. saka wala naman talaga me plano na special. di naman kasi ako special e. onte lang nga nag-greet sakin through the day.

so ayun.. after my class e umalis na kami ni ***. he asked me where i want to go. i said wala akong pera so he can take me where his money could lead us to. but of course i was joking. we went to the mall. sm manila in particular. it was also our second monthsary, if there is such a word. i was half happy then. only to find the reason why i am/should be later that day. we talked about many things, some concerning us and some not concerning us while making up our minds which movie to watch. we decided to eat at kfc coz we're both hungry.

after eating at kfc, and watching "the national treasure" at the movies together, we decided to go home. while at the mall, walking our way out, i asked him if he loves me. he said yes. i was expecting the answer anyways, so i shrugged it off. then, on the way home, i asked him a different question, a question harder than the first one i asked.

"are you sure you love me? don't you think i'm just a diversion?"

"define diversion."

"diversion. hmn.. maybe you dont really love me. maybe you just need me because there's no one around, or you haven't found the right person for you, or maybe subconsciously you really like ????? and that you're frustrated because she's in love with someone else and you're just waiting for her to like you. and even if you don't like her, maybe you're still looking for someone else. and it would be convenient to have me around dba?"

"cguro nga.."

"cguro nga? that's all you can say? hmn.. bahala ka.. ey, one more thing; when you first said you love me, are you really sure you meant it?"

"i don't know. i'm still confused."

"you kept on asking me for a month to try a relationship with you. do you think, i was just playin hard to get for the whole time? i didn't. i was thinking if i'm the one you really need. i was thinking if it would be good for the both of us if i answer yes. i was thinking if i wouldn't be corrupting your mind if i do say yes."

"sorry but i'm still unsure."

"cge na uuwi na ako. bye... ingat ka."

"ingat ka. happy birthday."

i went home.. when everyone's asleep, i wrote something. i was really having a hard time writing because tears are forming behind my eyes, but i supressed it. i just hope i'm doing the right thing. It's my birthday anyways...